Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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