carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
