It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
