We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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