I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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