So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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