Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
