corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
