i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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