Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Terrible idea I love it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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