I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
