You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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