I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
