just come out here and I will go home with you...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
