you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
