The maid of honor just puked.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
