apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
do herpes really smell.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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