Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
