Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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