She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
