Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
