found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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