its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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