I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
