Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
