I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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