i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
