all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
