just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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