I am midnight drunk by noon
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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