the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
