Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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