Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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