I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
