i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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