I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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