your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
