So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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