Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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