There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
