Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
