I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
