Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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