I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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