Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
