Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
