Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
