SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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