Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
