that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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