fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
