Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
