Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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