And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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