I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
