well you can't waste a boner
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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