Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Blood and glitter go together right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
