I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
