bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
