If that was your dad, he is hot
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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