First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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