I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
