ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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