smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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