i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm too high and old for this...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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