how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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