You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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