At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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