this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
