you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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