Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
