just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
